Saturday, August 18, 2012

Anne and Gilbert

Anne at Bright River Station

I recently introduced the girls to Anne of Green Gables. We read the book and then, last night and tonight, we watched the Kevin Sullivan version of the first book. They really want to read the next books and watch Anne of Avonlea, but I am not sure that they are really ready for those yet. Anne gets older and starts dealing with older things. I may be silly, but I think they need to get a little older before they read those stories.

I also realized tonight that the other reason I don't want to read those stories or watch more of the movies is that I don't want any more romance stories in my life. I find myself asking, "Where's my Gilbert?" I thought I might have found him at one point in my life, but I was wrong. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I know I am right where God wants me. But every time I watch a romance movie I find myself getting dissatisfied with my life. It doesn't help that about every two weeks one or the other of the girls asks, "Why don't I have an America daddy?" They have even shed tears about it. They see other girls on their T-ball and softball teams with dads to coach and support, and they know something is missing in their lives. They know I was raised by a single mom, but they also know that my father is a major influence in my life. Meskerem barely knew her birth father. He died before Kidist was born; so all Kidist has is Meskerem's faint memories.

These thoughts and conversations also cause me to mourn all over again what I gave up when I was called to adopt. I knew that if I went down that road, I would greatly delay or else give up all hope of ever getting married. Please don't feel sorry for me, I knew all of this going in. I also knew my chances of getting married decreased significantly when I was called to come work in my hometown long before my children came into my life. However, that does not cause me to mourn any less what I may never have.

Everyone who has ever adopted, if they are honest, will admit that there is something they gave up in order to adopt. And, I think, all would say it is ABSOLUTELY worth it. I would not trade my children for a room-full of potential husbands. But, if I am going to be honest on this blog and let you all know what this is really like, I have to admit that I have given something up and I am mourning it right now.

Please do not misunderstand me. I am not someone who wants to be married at any cost. However, there are days that I would like a chance to be "good cop" for once. I would like to be able to say, "You handle this one." I would like to have someone at the end of the day to be just as confused by my children as I am.

Being a single mom is a really lonely place to be. I have wonderful people that surround me and love me and support me, but, at the end of the day, I am MOM and the parenting buck stops with me. I'd like someone else to share a bit of that burden with me.

Some day, my Gilbert may come along, but until then, I will continue to thank God for the strength and wisdom to get through each day. And for all of you other single mom's out there, I share your loneliness tonight and I pray that God is surrounding you with the strength and wisdom you need to get through each day. For the rest of you that are struggling parents, I don't doubt parenting as a couple is difficult as well, but please remember to be thankful for what you have been given.

Now, I will send these thoughts out to the vastness of cyberspace and hope they speak to someone.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

The Oasis is Open!!!!

I know, it has been almost 6 months since I last posted. A lot has been going on and I have posted some of it on Facebook. But today, I had to post these photos here. Today we got to spend some time enjoying The Oasis. This is a waterpark that Harvest Church has helped build in Billings. I told my mom that this was probably the 2nd coolest thing I have been involved in at Harvest. The 1st being my adoption of Kidist and Meskerem. One of the things that has been so cool for me to see is how God orchestrated it that I could help contribute to this project and still bring my girls home. I caught the vision for this waterpark when the first capital campaign was announced in about 2004. Now, 8 years later, my children are able to enjoy what God has done. So here are a few pictures of our time there today. I will have a couple more thoughts at the end; so please keep reading.

Grandma and the 2 girls

Sheer joy!

Kidist underwater
Meskerem underwater
Kidist coming down the slide
Sisters riding the waves.
God gave us an absolutely perfect day in which to enjoy the Oasis. I pray that this place will show people that God loves us and wants the best for us. I promise following God is not all about the things you CAN'T do. Sometimes it is about what we CAN do through His power and strength. Jesus said, "I come that you might have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10)  I honestly never thought my life could be this full, but by the Grace of God it is.