Anne and Gilbert

Anne at Bright River Station

I recently introduced the girls to Anne of Green Gables. We read the book and then, last night and tonight, we watched the Kevin Sullivan version of the first book. They really want to read the next books and watch Anne of Avonlea, but I am not sure that they are really ready for those yet. Anne gets older and starts dealing with older things. I may be silly, but I think they need to get a little older before they read those stories.

I also realized tonight that the other reason I don't want to read those stories or watch more of the movies is that I don't want any more romance stories in my life. I find myself asking, "Where's my Gilbert?" I thought I might have found him at one point in my life, but I was wrong. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I know I am right where God wants me. But every time I watch a romance movie I find myself getting dissatisfied with my life. It doesn't help that about every two weeks one or the other of the girls asks, "Why don't I have an America daddy?" They have even shed tears about it. They see other girls on their T-ball and softball teams with dads to coach and support, and they know something is missing in their lives. They know I was raised by a single mom, but they also know that my father is a major influence in my life. Meskerem barely knew her birth father. He died before Kidist was born; so all Kidist has is Meskerem's faint memories.

These thoughts and conversations also cause me to mourn all over again what I gave up when I was called to adopt. I knew that if I went down that road, I would greatly delay or else give up all hope of ever getting married. Please don't feel sorry for me, I knew all of this going in. I also knew my chances of getting married decreased significantly when I was called to come work in my hometown long before my children came into my life. However, that does not cause me to mourn any less what I may never have.

Everyone who has ever adopted, if they are honest, will admit that there is something they gave up in order to adopt. And, I think, all would say it is ABSOLUTELY worth it. I would not trade my children for a room-full of potential husbands. But, if I am going to be honest on this blog and let you all know what this is really like, I have to admit that I have given something up and I am mourning it right now.

Please do not misunderstand me. I am not someone who wants to be married at any cost. However, there are days that I would like a chance to be "good cop" for once. I would like to be able to say, "You handle this one." I would like to have someone at the end of the day to be just as confused by my children as I am.

Being a single mom is a really lonely place to be. I have wonderful people that surround me and love me and support me, but, at the end of the day, I am MOM and the parenting buck stops with me. I'd like someone else to share a bit of that burden with me.

Some day, my Gilbert may come along, but until then, I will continue to thank God for the strength and wisdom to get through each day. And for all of you other single mom's out there, I share your loneliness tonight and I pray that God is surrounding you with the strength and wisdom you need to get through each day. For the rest of you that are struggling parents, I don't doubt parenting as a couple is difficult as well, but please remember to be thankful for what you have been given.

Now, I will send these thoughts out to the vastness of cyberspace and hope they speak to someone.

The Oasis is Open!!!!

I know, it has been almost 6 months since I last posted. A lot has been going on and I have posted some of it on Facebook. But today, I had to post these photos here. Today we got to spend some time enjoying The Oasis. This is a waterpark that Harvest Church has helped build in Billings. I told my mom that this was probably the 2nd coolest thing I have been involved in at Harvest. The 1st being my adoption of Kidist and Meskerem. One of the things that has been so cool for me to see is how God orchestrated it that I could help contribute to this project and still bring my girls home. I caught the vision for this waterpark when the first capital campaign was announced in about 2004. Now, 8 years later, my children are able to enjoy what God has done. So here are a few pictures of our time there today. I will have a couple more thoughts at the end; so please keep reading.

Grandma and the 2 girls



Sheer joy!

 



Kidist underwater

Meskerem underwater

Kidist coming down the slide

Sisters riding the waves.

God gave us an absolutely perfect day in which to enjoy the Oasis. I pray that this place will show people that God loves us and wants the best for us. I promise following God is not all about the things you CAN'T do. Sometimes it is about what we CAN do through His power and strength. Jesus said, "I come that you might have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10)  I honestly never thought my life could be this full, but by the Grace of God it is. 

Gingerbread Houses

It must be Christmas. The girls decorated gingerbread houses for the first time today. We put them together yesterday. (They are super-easy kits from Bountiful Baskets with organic gingerbread and meringue powder included) Today, with the help of Dr. Ashley they got to decorate to their heart's content. Yes, there are a lot of pictures of the same thing but I had to make sure you saw them from almost every possible angle.

Two proud craftswomen

Meskerem (looking way to old) and her gingerbread house

Kidist (yes those are Swedish-inspired pjs) and her house

Even the backs got decorated

Going to bed has been a little tough tonight. I think they ate more and licked their fingers more than I realized. But then, I probably did too.

Library Christmas Party

 This last Wednesday was the Libray Christmas party. Santa Claus came and read a story and all the kids got their pictures taken with him. Then we all stuffed our faces with the goodies everyone brought. If I haven't said it before, I love our library children's program.

Kidist and Brody

Meskerem and Santa

Kidist and Santa

Both girls with Santa

Incidentally, I got berated by Santa because one of my children complained to him that there weren't any Barbie dolls under the Christmas tree last year. I told him he ought to know my feelings on Barbies by now. Besides my kids usually understand that Santa isn't real.

Family Photos

I had a friend from church come down and take pictures of me and the girls about a month ago. I am so pleased with how they turned out. You can check out Kerry's other work at her Blog and at the Tracy Moore Photography website. So here are a few for the rest of you to see. These were all taken at our local county museum. It was so nice to have a photographer come to us and take pictures where we were comfortable. It was also nice to get an outsider's perspective on me and my kids. My dad has taken some wonderful photos, but he is just a little biased.

The three of us.



Mommy and Kidist

I really like this one of just our legs together.

My tattoo with the reasons for it.

Meskerem and Mommy

Halloween 2011

I couldn't not post photos of our Halloween. The girls came to the office and we went straight from there to downtown where several businesses had their doors open and were generously handing out candy. The Chamber of Commerce even had hot chocolate and hot cider which were quite welcome given the dreary drippy skies we were experiencing. After we had hit most of the businesses, we stopped at the local pizza/sandwhich shop for a burger and pizza. That's when the skies opened and it rained pretty hard. Once we were done, it had stopped raining and we headed out again. It was quite nice to take them trick-or-treating in all the same places I went as a child. Some things in a small town really never change.

Happy princesses. Our pumpkins turned out pretty well too.

Dancing in the dark.

I was playing with my camera on a tripod and took this photo without a flash. The girls are sort of ghostly as they weren't sitting still while I took the picture.

I have the best kids in the world!

I have to tell you all about what happened this evening so when my kids are driving me nuts you can remind me just how good they can be.
We had a long day yesterday. I started at 3AM with going to the hospital for an OB patient. She delivered and I was home by about 7:30. I tried to sleep, but that didn't happen. Then by 10 we were off for the day. We had library story hour; I had a CPT meeting; we went to Billings for shopping and out to dinner with friends. We got home so late, I put the girls to bed in their clothes (luckily they have comfy Lands' End dresses). Today, we were all recovering from a long day yesterday and not enough sleep. I felt completely wiped when I got home and the girls could tell. Meskerem said, "You're tired, Mommy. You go rest a little bit before you make supper. We're not hungry yet anyway." "Really?" I said. Kidist responded with, "Yes Mommy. You rest. Meskerem and I play together." So I went and laid down. Meskerem even came in to see if I needed her to take Dot out of the room. I aasked them to come get me when the clock said 6:30 or if my phone rang. At 6:45 I woke up. The girls were having so much fun playing together they didn't realize the time.
How many other moms have kids that will push their mom into her room and tell her to rest for a little bit? I know my kids are far from perfect, but tonight God reminded me just what a blessing they are.