Changes are coming

Tree hunting prior to Christmas 2017

My last post was written sometime in 2015. Things have changed a lot since then. My girls are turning into young women at 11 and 14. As they have grown and as I have had the opportunity to listen to the voices of adult transracial adoptees, I have come to know and understand that they need to spend the rest of their growing up years in an area that includes a lot more people that look like them ("racial mirrors").
To that end, we have researched all sorts of places. We came to the conclusion that the Twin Cities is the best fit for us as a family (job for me, opportunities for them, not too huge for their small town mom, etc). I am excited to announce that we will be moving to Minneapolis in June. My last day in my clinic will be June 8 and we will move sometime later that month.
I have spent the last several weeks figuring out how I was going to tell my colleagues at Hardin Clinic, and today I finally announced. Today has been one of the more emotionally exhausting days that I have had. I am completely overwhelmed and grateful for the love and support that has been expressed by my co-workers. I pray that my friends and patients will understand as well.
I will be joining the faculty at a Family Medicine residency program associated with Hennepin County Medical Center. I am excited to spend more time teaching and bringing the rural perspective to the next generation of Family Medicine physicians.
My girls are excited about all of the possibilities being in a bigger city brings. They can get reconnected to their birth culture and learn Amharic (maybe even the language of Wolaiyta), learn to make injera, and all sorts of other things.
We are all both excited and terrified of the coming changes. Change is never easy. However, I know that this is where God is leading us next and He will take care of all of us in the process.

Broken pride

So much for regular blog posts. A lot has gone on this last year. Can't sum it up right now. Maybe I'll get back here and fill you all in. Suffice it to say that I am a year older and my girls are older and at least 2 feet taller.
We have spent the last week in Washington, DC. I have done some CME, and my mom and girls have been seeing the sites.

Margin

Courtesy of www.richardswenson.org.

I currently don't have enough margin in my life to read all of Dr. Swenson's book Margin; so I am reading the above book on my Kindle. I got to hear Dr. Swenson speak at a CMDA (Christian Medical and Dental Association) retreat several years ago. I wish I had put more into practice at that time. If I had, maybe I wouldn't feel so tired and burned out right now. Each small reflection in this book talks about how to increase the margin in your life: financial, emotional, spiritual, etc. He asserts that our world is all about "more and more, faster and faster." I don't know anyone who would disagree with that.
After the reflections I read tonight, I need to make more changes. I need to be more deliberate in disconnecting from work and more intentional about connecting to my family.
One change that I made recently was to "give up" online shopping for Lent. That has helped my financial margin, but I need to go further. I need to break my addiction to technology. I think the worst thing I ever did for myself was get a smart phone. As I was reading this evening, I decided that as long as I am home, the cell phone needs to turn off at 7 PM. Everyone who needs to find me at night has my home number. I need to get that cell phone out of my hands and give a better example to my kids. How can I expect them to know how to handle technology, if I can't stop fiddling with my phone?
I know none of this is new to any of you. It isn't new to me, but God seemed to be telling me that if I know it, I need to do it. As if He is looking down on me saying, "You give such good advice to your patients and their parents about talking and reading and minimizing technology. How about you take some of it too?"
So with that, I am going to sign off of the computer, turn off my phone, and go back to reading a book. It might take me an extra day to respond to an email or check in on Facebook, but true emergencies rarely happen there.
Do yourself a favor, make enough margin in your life to see your loved ones without a screen in between. And if there is more time after that, pick up one of Dr. Swenson's books.

Where are you supposed to be?

Papa and the girls (Christmas 2010)

My father, the girls' papa, just got out of surgery tonight. Now, he didn't plan to have surgery today. It is one of those things that just happens. If he had been planning it, it wouldn't have been today and I wouldn't be in Montana and my step-mom wouldn't be have been in Washington.
However, unbeknownst to us, God was planning for my dad to have surgery today. He knew that Dad would be in an ER under the influence of drugs without family to advocate for him and keep the rest of the family informed. God had a plan for that. My best friend from college lives not far from the ER where my dad sought treatment. I texted her and in another hour or so when Dad came out of a long study, my friend and her husband were there for him. She "wasn't supposed" to be home today. She was "supposed" to be in another city working all day. She was also "supposed" to be in San Francisco for dinner tonight. Both things got rescheduled and she was home, not where she was "supposed" to be. God knew exactly where she and her husband were supposed to be today and He made sure it could happen. As a result, I was blessed to know that someone was there to hear what my father couldn't through the cloud of pain and medications and able to relay information on to me and the rest of the family.
So, next time you find yourself not where you are "supposed" to be, remember that Someone else may have other ideas. You may find yourself being an immense blessing to others. That is what my friend and her husband were to my family today.

My legacy?

This is my "grandma" Lydia. She lived right behind us while I was growing up and was sort of a third/adopted grandma. She was such an important part of my father's family that my middle name is Lydia after her.

Lydia's granddaughter, and my classmate, recently shared this photo on Facebook and it made me start to think about a lot of different things.

The photo was taken by my Grandma Dorie in her front dining room. Evidently, my grandma and Lydia would take a break from their work to read their Bibles. After seeing this picture, I realized that I could look at Lydia's or my grandmother's Bibles and find out all sorts of things about them, their walk with God, their struggles and their faith. That made me start thinking about what my Bible would say about me to my children or grandchildren.

I realized it wouldn't say much as I have been using a digital Bible lately. It's hard to leave much of a legacy in a digital Bible. I don't even go back and read the notes I made in my digital version. I have however, re-read notes I have put in some of my earlier Bibles.

So, I have gone back to reading my hard-copy Bible. I'm making notes in it. It is getting messy and defaced. But, as long as I have it, it will show my kids, grandkids, etc. what I was working on and thinking about in different passages.

Someday, I would like my grandchildren to see a picture of me reading my Bible and have all sorts of wonderful, pleasant memories come back just like I experience every time I look at this picture.

What physical legacy are you leaving for the next generations in your life?

More pictures

Here are a few more pictures of the last several months.

Kidist and Finley (Dr. Ashley's son, born the day after her birthday)

Meskerem in Salem, OR

 

Meskerem and me at a mother-daughter retreat in Oregon (one of my favorite photos).

Meskerem batting in softball

Kidist running after a hit in t-ball

Dot supporting Kidist's t-ball team

My silly girls in the Chico pool just a week ago.

I need to devote an entire blog post to the mother-daughter retreat that Meskerem and I went to in April. It was both wonderful and difficult.
Now to enjoy the summer (lots of fun things planned). Not sure how much I will be blogging, but I will try to be better. Just don't hold your breath. =)

Year in Review



Today was the last day of school and I don't think I have posted since before the first day. Sorry folks. Life has sort of been busy. I am sure none of you have any idea what that is like. :-) Here are a few photos of what we have been doing lately.

First Day of School

At Dr. Ashley's baby shower (and Kidist's 6th birthday) in October.

Halloween 2012

Kidist in the Missoula Children's Theater production of The Tortoise and the Hare (she was part of the Fan Club)

Meskerem in the same play (she was a Glama Gecko)

Meskerem showing off new clothes

Roller-skating in Sword's Park in Billings on the new roller-skates Ayat gave them.

Next post will include a few more pictures from the spring. Thanks for putting up with me.

Anne and Gilbert

Anne at Bright River Station

I recently introduced the girls to Anne of Green Gables. We read the book and then, last night and tonight, we watched the Kevin Sullivan version of the first book. They really want to read the next books and watch Anne of Avonlea, but I am not sure that they are really ready for those yet. Anne gets older and starts dealing with older things. I may be silly, but I think they need to get a little older before they read those stories.

I also realized tonight that the other reason I don't want to read those stories or watch more of the movies is that I don't want any more romance stories in my life. I find myself asking, "Where's my Gilbert?" I thought I might have found him at one point in my life, but I was wrong. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I know I am right where God wants me. But every time I watch a romance movie I find myself getting dissatisfied with my life. It doesn't help that about every two weeks one or the other of the girls asks, "Why don't I have an America daddy?" They have even shed tears about it. They see other girls on their T-ball and softball teams with dads to coach and support, and they know something is missing in their lives. They know I was raised by a single mom, but they also know that my father is a major influence in my life. Meskerem barely knew her birth father. He died before Kidist was born; so all Kidist has is Meskerem's faint memories.

These thoughts and conversations also cause me to mourn all over again what I gave up when I was called to adopt. I knew that if I went down that road, I would greatly delay or else give up all hope of ever getting married. Please don't feel sorry for me, I knew all of this going in. I also knew my chances of getting married decreased significantly when I was called to come work in my hometown long before my children came into my life. However, that does not cause me to mourn any less what I may never have.

Everyone who has ever adopted, if they are honest, will admit that there is something they gave up in order to adopt. And, I think, all would say it is ABSOLUTELY worth it. I would not trade my children for a room-full of potential husbands. But, if I am going to be honest on this blog and let you all know what this is really like, I have to admit that I have given something up and I am mourning it right now.

Please do not misunderstand me. I am not someone who wants to be married at any cost. However, there are days that I would like a chance to be "good cop" for once. I would like to be able to say, "You handle this one." I would like to have someone at the end of the day to be just as confused by my children as I am.

Being a single mom is a really lonely place to be. I have wonderful people that surround me and love me and support me, but, at the end of the day, I am MOM and the parenting buck stops with me. I'd like someone else to share a bit of that burden with me.

Some day, my Gilbert may come along, but until then, I will continue to thank God for the strength and wisdom to get through each day. And for all of you other single mom's out there, I share your loneliness tonight and I pray that God is surrounding you with the strength and wisdom you need to get through each day. For the rest of you that are struggling parents, I don't doubt parenting as a couple is difficult as well, but please remember to be thankful for what you have been given.

Now, I will send these thoughts out to the vastness of cyberspace and hope they speak to someone.

The Oasis is Open!!!!

I know, it has been almost 6 months since I last posted. A lot has been going on and I have posted some of it on Facebook. But today, I had to post these photos here. Today we got to spend some time enjoying The Oasis. This is a waterpark that Harvest Church has helped build in Billings. I told my mom that this was probably the 2nd coolest thing I have been involved in at Harvest. The 1st being my adoption of Kidist and Meskerem. One of the things that has been so cool for me to see is how God orchestrated it that I could help contribute to this project and still bring my girls home. I caught the vision for this waterpark when the first capital campaign was announced in about 2004. Now, 8 years later, my children are able to enjoy what God has done. So here are a few pictures of our time there today. I will have a couple more thoughts at the end; so please keep reading.

Grandma and the 2 girls



Sheer joy!

 



Kidist underwater

Meskerem underwater

Kidist coming down the slide

Sisters riding the waves.

God gave us an absolutely perfect day in which to enjoy the Oasis. I pray that this place will show people that God loves us and wants the best for us. I promise following God is not all about the things you CAN'T do. Sometimes it is about what we CAN do through His power and strength. Jesus said, "I come that you might have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10)  I honestly never thought my life could be this full, but by the Grace of God it is. 

Gingerbread Houses

It must be Christmas. The girls decorated gingerbread houses for the first time today. We put them together yesterday. (They are super-easy kits from Bountiful Baskets with organic gingerbread and meringue powder included) Today, with the help of Dr. Ashley they got to decorate to their heart's content. Yes, there are a lot of pictures of the same thing but I had to make sure you saw them from almost every possible angle.

Two proud craftswomen

Meskerem (looking way to old) and her gingerbread house

Kidist (yes those are Swedish-inspired pjs) and her house

Even the backs got decorated

Going to bed has been a little tough tonight. I think they ate more and licked their fingers more than I realized. But then, I probably did too.

Library Christmas Party

 This last Wednesday was the Libray Christmas party. Santa Claus came and read a story and all the kids got their pictures taken with him. Then we all stuffed our faces with the goodies everyone brought. If I haven't said it before, I love our library children's program.

Kidist and Brody

Meskerem and Santa

Kidist and Santa

Both girls with Santa

Incidentally, I got berated by Santa because one of my children complained to him that there weren't any Barbie dolls under the Christmas tree last year. I told him he ought to know my feelings on Barbies by now. Besides my kids usually understand that Santa isn't real.

Family Photos

I had a friend from church come down and take pictures of me and the girls about a month ago. I am so pleased with how they turned out. You can check out Kerry's other work at her Blog and at the Tracy Moore Photography website. So here are a few for the rest of you to see. These were all taken at our local county museum. It was so nice to have a photographer come to us and take pictures where we were comfortable. It was also nice to get an outsider's perspective on me and my kids. My dad has taken some wonderful photos, but he is just a little biased.

The three of us.



Mommy and Kidist

I really like this one of just our legs together.

My tattoo with the reasons for it.

Meskerem and Mommy

Halloween 2011

I couldn't not post photos of our Halloween. The girls came to the office and we went straight from there to downtown where several businesses had their doors open and were generously handing out candy. The Chamber of Commerce even had hot chocolate and hot cider which were quite welcome given the dreary drippy skies we were experiencing. After we had hit most of the businesses, we stopped at the local pizza/sandwhich shop for a burger and pizza. That's when the skies opened and it rained pretty hard. Once we were done, it had stopped raining and we headed out again. It was quite nice to take them trick-or-treating in all the same places I went as a child. Some things in a small town really never change.

Happy princesses. Our pumpkins turned out pretty well too.

Dancing in the dark.

I was playing with my camera on a tripod and took this photo without a flash. The girls are sort of ghostly as they weren't sitting still while I took the picture.

I have the best kids in the world!

I have to tell you all about what happened this evening so when my kids are driving me nuts you can remind me just how good they can be.
We had a long day yesterday. I started at 3AM with going to the hospital for an OB patient. She delivered and I was home by about 7:30. I tried to sleep, but that didn't happen. Then by 10 we were off for the day. We had library story hour; I had a CPT meeting; we went to Billings for shopping and out to dinner with friends. We got home so late, I put the girls to bed in their clothes (luckily they have comfy Lands' End dresses). Today, we were all recovering from a long day yesterday and not enough sleep. I felt completely wiped when I got home and the girls could tell. Meskerem said, "You're tired, Mommy. You go rest a little bit before you make supper. We're not hungry yet anyway." "Really?" I said. Kidist responded with, "Yes Mommy. You rest. Meskerem and I play together." So I went and laid down. Meskerem even came in to see if I needed her to take Dot out of the room. I aasked them to come get me when the clock said 6:30 or if my phone rang. At 6:45 I woke up. The girls were having so much fun playing together they didn't realize the time.
How many other moms have kids that will push their mom into her room and tell her to rest for a little bit? I know my kids are far from perfect, but tonight God reminded me just what a blessing they are.

What have you done with your life?

Earlier today I was talking with a friend about all the things she wants to do in the next few years. She is applying for the FBI and she's already a lawyer, but she is also working on Theology classes and wants to get an associates in auto mechanics. I laughingly said, "Gee, all I did was go to med school. What have I done with my life?" Then we looked over at the table where the girls were eating breakfast. They were holding hands and praying over their meal and thanking God for what He had given them. My friend said, "That is what you have done with your life and you should be incredibly proud." It just reminded me that I need to re-assess my definition of success. The speaker at church Saturday night said the same thing. I may only have two degrees (yes, I realize many have none), I may not always work enough to get a bonus; but hopefully my children will be able to remember having dinner together most evenings, cuddling in bed on Saturday and Sunday mornings andd having a mom present when she was needed most. I also hope that my patients will know that I truly care and that I will take the time I need to take care of them.
So success in my life can't be measured by my bank account, my house, my car or any other material things. Success will be when I stand before God and He says, "Well done. Thank you for caring for my children."

Silly Photos

A few nights ago, I came home from work, tired and frustrated. God used my kids to remind me that I have so much more to be thankful for than I have to complain about. We all ended up in the big chair together and played with Meskerem's camera.

Here are the three of us. Not the most flattering photo, but a happy one.

We moved into the office and played with more pictures. The girls each wanted their picture taken with me. And then, Meskerem wanted them all printed out for her to look at whenever she wanted.

Mommy and Kidist

Mommy and Meskerem

We have been a family for almost 18 months and I can't believe how the time has flown. A couple of nights ago Meskerem needed to talk. She sat on my lap on the couch and talked and then we sat in the rocking chair and talked more. It wasn't all profound, but I just about lost it when she said, "I like my new life Mommy." Then as she crawled into bed, she said, "I love you Mommy. You a good mommy, Mommy." What more could a mom ask for than that? Those words play over and over in my head whenever I start to get frustrated or wonder why God called me to walk this road. Once again, I pray that I will be a worthy mother to these two little (but growing every bigger) gifts on loan from God.

Father figures

My brother asked me to email him some photos of him and the girls. I had so much fun going through all the photos that I had to share a few here. I also thought these would be good in honor Fathers' Day recently. My girls may not have a dad, but they do have some wonderful male role models and father figures in their lives. My father is a wonderful, though spoiling, grandfather to the girls. It is so much fun to see them soak up his love and attention. Like flowers soaking up water, they stand taller and happier after they have been with Papa. The same thing happens when Uncle Peter comes to visit. I am sort of sad that they can say their 'P's now. It was so cute when they called him "Uncle Pfeter." Anyway, they love to talk to him and do things with him. Meskerem has already asked him to take her on a "date" to Sonic when he is here next month. Peter, of course, said he would be happy to.

So, here are some of my favorite pictures of the girls and their father figures. I hope other single moms have guys like these in their lives to show their children who men are supposed to be.

Kidist snuggling with Uncle Peter on Christmas Morning

Kidist and Papa making faces

Uncle Peter reading Meskerem her bedtime story